Just when things are going good someone has to come and fuck it up. Out of the blue people from my past came out of nowhere and started blaming me for things, like your crazy asses are in the past for a reason.

I’m really good at getting invested into someone really quick. I love, love. I want someone who I can talk to constantly and still miss. And for some reason in my head I believe that my life won’t fully start until I get to come home to someone. And in reality I just don’t want to go through things alone anymore; I don’t want to deal with my problems alone.

We always have the same conversation about how I give up, I never try, and how I never put forth any effort. But you don’t know how hard to try to just smile through out the day, how hard I try to keep myself together. You say I sleep all day and all I have is time. I sleep all day because at night my demons come to haunt, keeping my eyes wide open and my mind flooded with my problems. But for some reason I can’t explain it to you, because I know you’ll just see it as some excuse; another way of me getting out of something. Because that’s who I am, I never finish anything.

Today I’ve just felt like this slow ass wave was washing over me; and eventually I’m slowly washing away.